The NOW moment that everyone talks about is a person’s current reality, the projected possibilities of his or her reality based on their current choices—and we cannot see past the choices we do not understand. Therefore, knowledge and the wisdom to apply it increase one’s potential and options. Reality is far more than this minute or hour; it is the current reality of an individual’s consciousness or wisdom attained thus far. The aura contains all of our mental and emotional energies, including our subconscious and our past. That is the NOW reality, or our self-actualized reality. A person’s reality and options can improve if they are willing to grow and adapt.

My current NOW is the beginning of a new lifetime within my current lifetime. I am the phoenix rising out of the burning ashes of my former life. In the first half of my life, I was married to a magical man. His eyes sparkled when he smiled, which was often, and I knew without a doubt that he was my soulmate. We did everything together, including working together. We had charisma as a couple, and our energies harmonized with beautiful imperfection, joy, and lots of love. Together, we helped many people—and loved every minute of it.

But my husband died—and a little over a year after his passing, my beloved beagle died, too. As you might imagine, the pain was excruciating, and yes, it still lingers as a presence in the background of my life. I feel this pain in the pauses between the breaths of my daily life. But I have a conscious and gracious relationship with grief. I know that the essence of grief is love, which doesn’t mean I enjoy it, but I do respect its purpose.

I am going to be very honest with you. Grief burns, transforming you into someone else. You are not the same afterwards. Grief forces you to face yourself, your anger, your fears, your shame, and so on—but in doing so, it shows you where you need to grow. You are still yourself, but another version of that self.

You wonder, Will I ever feel contentment again? Will I emotionally survive? Will I ever look forward to or get excited about something again? Since I cannot go backward, how do I reconcile the loss of my loved one with this new life, this new version of myself that I didn’t ask for?

Grief destroys, but nothing in this life is one-sided. Grief or loss takes things away, but it offers possibilities, too. Be willing to let go of the old version of yourself, even if you cherished the life you had built. Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight. Grief changes everything and forges a new path, whether we like it or not. I am referencing a major loss, but this also applies to the minor losses and changes we all face.

While life is definitely not a celebration all the time, it is worth loving, appreciating, embracing, and respecting. Let us not allow pain, loss, grief, and the seeds of fear they germinate to block us from mastering ourselves and living a magical life. Yes, grief will change a person, but if we are living and loving others fully, grief is a definite aspect of the journey, because change is constant. Therefore, at some point, we will experience loss.

Loving life, loving a person, loving a pet, and loving a home or career all take work. Love is work. If the term work is too toilsome, then perhaps the term effort is more acceptable. Even a wonderful vacation requires effort. The faster a person stops trying to avoid emotional and mental effort and accepts the process of living life and loving it as is, the easier it will be to connect with joy and peace while interacting with the more difficult energies of life with grace, wisdom, and love. A little accountability, self-motivation, and discipline go a long way towards living well. A wee bit of structure goes a long way as well. It is possible to live the life we’ve always desired, regardless of our fear and pain.

Miracles are common. They are not an occasional aberration. Every day that you wake up on this floating blue planet is a miracle right from the start. Life is a daily magical experience, even when we experience grief and hardship. If we can interact with pain with a friendly mindset, we can create magic—the authentic kind, not the imagined. When you’re facing the greatest challenges, prioritize generating positivity in your daily routines. This will enhance the love energy, which is the fundamental essence of magic.

Our extensive issues and negative associations with stress and pain create many challenges. It’s common knowledge that life is often difficult, and so, the pursuit of wise living follows, even in the face of undeniable pain. How is this accomplished? We begin by learning about living in our higher truth.

Excerpt from the book The Purpose of Emotional Pain and Stress